My Blue Rose

How did we get here? I used to know you so well... These words couldn't be more suitable on days when you swim through my mind. I've kept this built up inside of me for too long. So now I'm going to tell the world how I feel. If anyone reads this they'll know how I really feel about you. The thoughts that skip though my mind on a warm summer day as I sit by a river and reflect. My blue rose the best lesson I ever learned from your absence even though it was only a short time that you were in my presence. So now if you ever feel the need to look back and wonder for any strange sort of reasoning. You'll know exactly how I feel about you.

It's funny how you can know someone for a short amount of time. Yet they still come across your mind everyday. I've been pissed off at serenity quite a few times in my mind for the simple fact that you never tried. Knowing you, you'd probably laugh at even the idea of this form of expression because that's just the kind of asshole you are. Yet I could be wrong and that could be a pre-concieved notion so I wonr reassure myself of any certainty my blue rose.

To picture you in a prison cell was the last thing we wanted to see. Yet you always seemed so restricted in yourself like you couldn't be who you were because it was more important to make a satisfying impression on others so they would like you. Then again maybe that's just another pre concieved notion. My blue rose.  I hear about you through our old mutual friends but I don't hear the story you would tell. What really happened in his eyes... I'll never know. Yet some part of me will aways wonder. I guess you can never be to sure of anything.

There were nights when I cried and nobody saw or heard but I kept moving on in silence because it made me more of who I am. Maybe you just wanted to understand your silence. The way I learned.
I needed that silence and I regret nothing because it made me more of who I am. I thought about calling you but I figured you didn't care because you never tried. A perfect excuse right?

I remember the first time I met you. You wouldn't tell me your name and you were laughing about some reference to a movie. While He drove so annoyingly in the front seat blasting bullet for my valentine. It was midnight and you guys abducted me to go get Mcdonnalds. I looked like a bum in a large grey tshirt and pajamas. Sitting in the front seat hoping I wouldn't die. While you guys were screaming the lyrics all the way there but that's just the way you guys were and I loved it! We also talked about the ciggaretts you were smoking. I hated smoke but I wanted to get to know you, so
we talked about it. You also told funny stories about how you were a janitor. It was great.

The second time I met you everyone called you Batman. So I just went with it and called you that too. We were all at your best friend's house watching Jimmy Nutron and I had an annoying headache that hurt like a motherfucker. Me and the other three left because it was getting late. Then we sat on
Em's porch and laughed for a while.

The third time I met you....you and palma were screaming your heads off in em's neighborhood when we all met up so I told yall to shut the fuck up because there were neighbors. I don't even know what yall were yelling about!

The fourth time... I asked you what the fuck your actual name was..... and then I knew... we hung out at hamlin and all of us kept making a big deal because there were double rainbows in the sky and we went to taco bell twice adding the word piss to ALL OF THE SONG LYRICS. There is so much I remember about the others too they were equally as important but right now I'm talking about you because this is what this post is about.

The first time we got each others numbers our conversation made no sense.... but some how we understood each other in a weird way. You liked me and I liked you and we sat under the stars talking about whatever we wanted to for however long we wanted to because that's what we felt like doing.
It was simple and comfortable. Maybe a little too simple and comfortable for your liking. Forgive me for being a bit cliche while I forgive you for breaking my heart in a way that made me who I am. I remember the silence and the absence in a way that it still makes me feel something I've never felt.
What I couldn't understand is why you never tried. To listen to your own voice. To sit in silence. To think. To hear yourself.

I remember when I fell so hard. Waking up in my bed. While you just moved on...or maybe took a step backwards a preconcieved notion could never tell me the truth only you could. But the words couldn't form into questions soon enough for me to ask why? If I sat and dwelled on the uncertainty of the questions I had for you I'd only be fooling myself. Because I've been doing good in my life without you. My tears will always wonder why you never tried but maybe you just wanted someone to understand. Maybe you think nobody ever will. Sadness only lingers if you dwell. I forgive you.
I wish you no harm. Worse things have happened to better people.

I want to thank you for being real with me. The most real I've ever felt with anyone. I'll never be the same. In a good way.