I am so sick and tired of people who make a stink about the LGBT laws. We are trying to gain rights that you have been given since the day you were born. Your rights aren't being taken away. We are fighting for the ones we, as human beings, deserve equally.
What really bothers me is the whole anti-trans legislation. If a girl's gotta pee, a girl's gotta pee. It doesn't matter if she was born male. She's a girl NOW. She's not a pervert, a rapist, or whatever else. She's a woman and she needs to pee. A brother's gotta pee, too. He's not doing anything wrong because he's just using the bathroom of which gender he identifies with.
Perverts and rapists have been sharing bathrooms with our daughters and sons for YEARS, and people have just been using their phobia of transgendered people to point out everything that is wrong with society. Like, NO, you don't need a scapegoat. You fix what is wrong with what should be fixed.
This isn't rocket science. It's about respect. It's about loving and appreciating people around you and their differences. It's about acceptance. It's about being a human being and acknowledging that we are of ONE race.
I don't care if you're straight, cis, bi, gay, transgendered, come from a different walk of life, have a different skin color. If you respect me, I respect you.
But seriously. Look around. We are destroying our brothers and sisters because of a fear. We are tearing each other apart because we can't accept each other's differences. We can't look past our differences because we don't know how to love and accept the differences.
Be an advocate for people who can't do it for themselves. Be a voice for those who can't speak. Be an ally for those who need it.
And love your neighbors instead of showing them bigoted and ignorant hate and fear.
We are but one race. Let's act like it. Care for each other, love each other, appreciate what makes us different and unique. Because that is what will make us stronger.
Thursday, 28 April 2016
Saturday, 16 April 2016
RE: Jealous, Dramatic Former Friend
I thought I knew you... Well, I do know you. You haven't changed since our falling out. You are the same childish, ignorant, easily manipulated, somewhat conservative 30 something b* who can't seem to unlatch from mama's wallet/house/life/tit. Excuse the crude language.
You only see me as how I once was. Sure, I could be dramatic then, but seriously. Everyone can have drama, even the low maintenance people who stay away from it. Yeah, maybe I was a little ignorant then. But at least, in the past ten years of my life, I have seen more of the world and been cultured and have been part of more than you'll ever be in your life. Ever. I am nowhere near as ignorant at 24 as you are in your late 30s. Which is real sad. And I am not bigoted. I am a minority. A bisexual woman. When we were friends, I made you question your sexuality, but you never made it to being part of the minority.
Unlike you, I HAVE changed since then. Oh, have I got something for you, Queen of Unchanged Selfishness and Drama. Yes, girl, enjoy the ride, because you will be blown away. A difficult feat, due to - how to put this mildly- your stature.
I have been home for a total of about 11 months since June, 2013. I moved out for six months in 2013, came home for a month and a half, left for FEMA Corps, came home for six months, then left for seven months. I've been home for four months, studying for an exam AND working. Did I mention that my exam is a nationally certifying exam?? No? Okay, just to let you know, there is absolutely NO pressure. At all.
I am also trying to move out of my mama's house within the next year or so. Yeah, it will be difficult. But it will be so damn worthwhile. Because I will finally be independent. I will have my own place, I will be doing my own shit. I will be myself.
Honestly, I don't understand you. You allow yourself to be manipulated. You let other people tell you what kind of opinions to have - about yourself, about others. is there anything you do for yourself, independent from anyone else?
It seems as though you are content by living as an 18 year old, not an almost 40 year old. So involved in yourself, the drama you cause, your obsessions of childish desires, that you can't see change around you. You are so caught up in trying to get Twitter follows from people who don't even know you exist and being perceived as good and popular that you don't think there are people out there who know who you really are. You would rather tear someone down (and do it happily), you wouldn't know what to do if someone would do it to you.
I have some advice for you. Get your head out of the sand and take stock of the world and people around you. Stop sucking mama's tatas and maybe get some independent thought. Oh, wait... the only independent thought I've ever known you to have was the one where you wanted some... well, rather unsavory things with me and my ex (although you "respected" us enough to just tell us what you wanted and not push it... it's "respectful" of you to tell us how needy you are and how you wanted us to feed into your questioning to satisfy your curiosity because you're more into yourself than actual equality). And maybe that's why you don't think independently. Because you have such terrible ideas when you do, and it turns you into the laughing stock of the village. Which is something you don't like.
Have a wonderful life.
You only see me as how I once was. Sure, I could be dramatic then, but seriously. Everyone can have drama, even the low maintenance people who stay away from it. Yeah, maybe I was a little ignorant then. But at least, in the past ten years of my life, I have seen more of the world and been cultured and have been part of more than you'll ever be in your life. Ever. I am nowhere near as ignorant at 24 as you are in your late 30s. Which is real sad. And I am not bigoted. I am a minority. A bisexual woman. When we were friends, I made you question your sexuality, but you never made it to being part of the minority.
Unlike you, I HAVE changed since then. Oh, have I got something for you, Queen of Unchanged Selfishness and Drama. Yes, girl, enjoy the ride, because you will be blown away. A difficult feat, due to - how to put this mildly- your stature.
I have been home for a total of about 11 months since June, 2013. I moved out for six months in 2013, came home for a month and a half, left for FEMA Corps, came home for six months, then left for seven months. I've been home for four months, studying for an exam AND working. Did I mention that my exam is a nationally certifying exam?? No? Okay, just to let you know, there is absolutely NO pressure. At all.
I am also trying to move out of my mama's house within the next year or so. Yeah, it will be difficult. But it will be so damn worthwhile. Because I will finally be independent. I will have my own place, I will be doing my own shit. I will be myself.
Honestly, I don't understand you. You allow yourself to be manipulated. You let other people tell you what kind of opinions to have - about yourself, about others. is there anything you do for yourself, independent from anyone else?
It seems as though you are content by living as an 18 year old, not an almost 40 year old. So involved in yourself, the drama you cause, your obsessions of childish desires, that you can't see change around you. You are so caught up in trying to get Twitter follows from people who don't even know you exist and being perceived as good and popular that you don't think there are people out there who know who you really are. You would rather tear someone down (and do it happily), you wouldn't know what to do if someone would do it to you.
I have some advice for you. Get your head out of the sand and take stock of the world and people around you. Stop sucking mama's tatas and maybe get some independent thought. Oh, wait... the only independent thought I've ever known you to have was the one where you wanted some... well, rather unsavory things with me and my ex (although you "respected" us enough to just tell us what you wanted and not push it... it's "respectful" of you to tell us how needy you are and how you wanted us to feed into your questioning to satisfy your curiosity because you're more into yourself than actual equality). And maybe that's why you don't think independently. Because you have such terrible ideas when you do, and it turns you into the laughing stock of the village. Which is something you don't like.
Have a wonderful life.
Monday, 11 April 2016
RE: The Ocean
"The rhythm of moving water,
A stream bubbling down and around a bend,
The mighty river swishing around a curve,
Soft waves of a lake,
The moon tides of the ocean...
Peaceful and comforting in its ceaseless movement.
But the tides pull me home,
Calling me back to peace and comfort,
Tugging me away from a life I have made.
I can feel the tides in my veins,
The tides matching those of the ocean,
Ceaseless and tireless.
The sound of moving water brings me home,
Sends me to the comforting peace and calm
That always descends upon me
When the call of the tides in my veins
Answers the call of the tides of the ocean.
But only then will I be home,
When the tides in my veins
Matches the tides of the ocean,
When the call of the oceantides
Answers the call of the tides in my veins."
-A Charly Original || Ocean Tides
I've always felt most at home near an ocean, with its never ceasing tides, ruled by the moon. I feel calm and at peace. There is a big comfort in sitting next to a large body of water, drawn to the endless waves rolling onto the coastline.
Whenever I am away from the ocean, I am forced to entertain myself in other ways. I get lost in words - either reading or writing them, it doesn't matter -, caught up in daily dramas, get upset about silly things.
Sometimes I take myself to the river and think. I let the river soothe and calm me, comfort me, and bring me home. It pacifies me for awhile. until I leave again. And just like that, the tides in my veins start up again. Mostly quiet enough that I can go about my daily life, patiently waiting to call me home.
But sometimes, it's as though I can feel the tides in my veins, pulsating through my body, needing to be quelled. The burning desire is unsettling, and I yearn to be home again, near an ocean. I get restless until I am near water, and sometimes that won't even work. Unless I spend enough time by a river to be peaceful again.
But peace won't fully come until I finally make it back to the ocean again one day. Peace, calm, comfort, joy, happiness, a home. With the turns of the tides, and the ceaseless power of he ocean. Somewhere that always welcomes me home, where I can truly cherish that what I have come to and what I've come to can cherish me.
I come from the earth, but I will return to her by way of the ocean.
"As I long for the call of the ocean
To return the call of the tides in my veins,
As I wait for the moment
When that restlessness can be quelled,
I while away the hours impatiently,
Driving away the madness of the hours,
Allowing the pull of the oceantides
To wear on me until the day
I can return to the ocean..."
A Charly Original || Oceantides
A stream bubbling down and around a bend,
The mighty river swishing around a curve,
Soft waves of a lake,
The moon tides of the ocean...
Peaceful and comforting in its ceaseless movement.
But the tides pull me home,
Calling me back to peace and comfort,
Tugging me away from a life I have made.
I can feel the tides in my veins,
The tides matching those of the ocean,
Ceaseless and tireless.
The sound of moving water brings me home,
Sends me to the comforting peace and calm
That always descends upon me
When the call of the tides in my veins
Answers the call of the tides of the ocean.
But only then will I be home,
When the tides in my veins
Matches the tides of the ocean,
When the call of the oceantides
Answers the call of the tides in my veins."
-A Charly Original || Ocean Tides
I've always felt most at home near an ocean, with its never ceasing tides, ruled by the moon. I feel calm and at peace. There is a big comfort in sitting next to a large body of water, drawn to the endless waves rolling onto the coastline.
Whenever I am away from the ocean, I am forced to entertain myself in other ways. I get lost in words - either reading or writing them, it doesn't matter -, caught up in daily dramas, get upset about silly things.
Sometimes I take myself to the river and think. I let the river soothe and calm me, comfort me, and bring me home. It pacifies me for awhile. until I leave again. And just like that, the tides in my veins start up again. Mostly quiet enough that I can go about my daily life, patiently waiting to call me home.
But sometimes, it's as though I can feel the tides in my veins, pulsating through my body, needing to be quelled. The burning desire is unsettling, and I yearn to be home again, near an ocean. I get restless until I am near water, and sometimes that won't even work. Unless I spend enough time by a river to be peaceful again.
But peace won't fully come until I finally make it back to the ocean again one day. Peace, calm, comfort, joy, happiness, a home. With the turns of the tides, and the ceaseless power of he ocean. Somewhere that always welcomes me home, where I can truly cherish that what I have come to and what I've come to can cherish me.
I come from the earth, but I will return to her by way of the ocean.
"As I long for the call of the ocean
To return the call of the tides in my veins,
As I wait for the moment
When that restlessness can be quelled,
I while away the hours impatiently,
Driving away the madness of the hours,
Allowing the pull of the oceantides
To wear on me until the day
I can return to the ocean..."
A Charly Original || Oceantides
RE: Peter Pan
Everyone has that one Disney (or Pixar, or whatever else) character that they wish were actually a part of life.
"Second to the right and straight on till morning" is how we are told to get to Neverland, a land of mermaids, Captain Hook, the crocodile, Skull Rock. But, most of all, the land of Pan, Tink, and the Lost Boys. Peter and the Lost Boys were always in trouble, hiding from Hook, with no sort of responsibility. Just the kind of life I wanted...
...My feet in the sand, my head in the clouds...
But I grew up (much to my disdain, and very much against the rules, according to Pan). I realized that the Land of Pan never really existed. There isn't a Captain Hook, mermaids flipping their tails on the beach, no hiding places in Skull Rock, none of it. There is no world just beyond the morning sun to run off to, no fairy dust to help us fly away. I couldn't marry Peter Pan or become a mother figure to the Lost Boys.
But one thing I did learn? Good thoughts and positive vibes are great company. Put goodness into the Universe and goodness you shall receive. You can't be good to others if you aren't good to yourself.
What is a good life without playing as hard as you work? Yes, you have to work hard to have a good life. Bu that's part of it. Take time to smell the roses, to enjoy the sunset, to listen to the rain. Take the long way home for once. Play around. Enjoy the scenery. Appreciate life. You truly won't realize what you're missing if you are too focused on being the next billionaire... hell, even if you're just too focused on enough work and stress to give yourself a heart attack.
Peter Pan, you may bot actually be real. I could never go second to the right and straight on till morning. Neverland doesn't lay just behind the morning Sun. But you will forever have a spot in my heart. Just because you were the first character to teach me a life lesson or two.
Fictional or not, you are one strong personality, and one helluva character. Go on terrorizing Hook and leading the band of Lost Boys, gallivanting on your island.
After all, that is what you do best, isn't it?
"Second to the right and straight on till morning" is how we are told to get to Neverland, a land of mermaids, Captain Hook, the crocodile, Skull Rock. But, most of all, the land of Pan, Tink, and the Lost Boys. Peter and the Lost Boys were always in trouble, hiding from Hook, with no sort of responsibility. Just the kind of life I wanted...
...My feet in the sand, my head in the clouds...
But I grew up (much to my disdain, and very much against the rules, according to Pan). I realized that the Land of Pan never really existed. There isn't a Captain Hook, mermaids flipping their tails on the beach, no hiding places in Skull Rock, none of it. There is no world just beyond the morning sun to run off to, no fairy dust to help us fly away. I couldn't marry Peter Pan or become a mother figure to the Lost Boys.
But one thing I did learn? Good thoughts and positive vibes are great company. Put goodness into the Universe and goodness you shall receive. You can't be good to others if you aren't good to yourself.
What is a good life without playing as hard as you work? Yes, you have to work hard to have a good life. Bu that's part of it. Take time to smell the roses, to enjoy the sunset, to listen to the rain. Take the long way home for once. Play around. Enjoy the scenery. Appreciate life. You truly won't realize what you're missing if you are too focused on being the next billionaire... hell, even if you're just too focused on enough work and stress to give yourself a heart attack.
Peter Pan, you may bot actually be real. I could never go second to the right and straight on till morning. Neverland doesn't lay just behind the morning Sun. But you will forever have a spot in my heart. Just because you were the first character to teach me a life lesson or two.
Fictional or not, you are one strong personality, and one helluva character. Go on terrorizing Hook and leading the band of Lost Boys, gallivanting on your island.
After all, that is what you do best, isn't it?
"End The Stigma"
When my mother was 15 years old she ran away from home. She hitchhiked all the way from Michigan to California. She ran away from home more than once but that's all I really know.
It got so bad that when she returned home she was hospitalized and diagnosed with Severe Bipolar Disorder.When I was 8 years old I walked into the kitchen. She had pills spread out all over the counter. Being 8 years old and clueless as to what was happening I said "Mom what are you doing?" She took a handful of the pills and called an ambulance. Before my eyes they took her away and I watched until the ambulance was no longer in sight. Luckily there were friends over to watch over me. She tried to commit suicide but Luckily was unsuccessful. A few days later I was placed in foster care for 6 months until my parents re gained custody over me. Throughout her life I've seen her go through med changes. I've experienced her being hospitalized in the middle of the night because she heard voices.I've witnessed her in psychosis when the medicine perscribed was not working effectively. When I was 12 years old my sister had to sign papers to commit her. When I was 15 my sisters and I had to commit her again. The last time she was committed I had to sign the paperwork I was 19 years old. She was threatening to call the cops on me while she was in the hospital. She threw coins down the hallway and kept coming out of the room they had put her in insulting the staff of the emergency waiting room. She was hospitalized for about 3 weeks and she has been stabilized since 2013. I can't possibly imagine the trama that was going through her mind at the time but I can tell you one thing. She felt as if the world was out to get her every time someone admitted her. Bipolar Disorder is not a state of mind where one second you're in a bad mood and the next second your joyful. Bipolar Disorder is not pretending to be in a bad or upset mood just to gain attention. Bipolar Disorder is a serious illness that I grew up learning about my entire life. My mother is one of the most kind hearted people you will ever meet. I admire her strength greatly. She has friends who share similar illnesses and have struggled with the same trama of having a mental illness. They only see each other every once in a great while and they are the happiest group of friends I have ever seen together. They all uplift and encourage each other. None of them let their illness stop them from living their life. The simple state of being alive and well is what brings them gratitude and joy. There are times when they feel unwell but it never keeps them bitter. At least not for too long! Throwing around severe mental illness terms to define a bad day or a bad attitude is not okay. I'm tired of people throwing terms around loosely just to draw attention to themselves. It is one thing to know the definition from a term in a book and another to experience suffering or watching a loved one suffer.
It got so bad that when she returned home she was hospitalized and diagnosed with Severe Bipolar Disorder.When I was 8 years old I walked into the kitchen. She had pills spread out all over the counter. Being 8 years old and clueless as to what was happening I said "Mom what are you doing?" She took a handful of the pills and called an ambulance. Before my eyes they took her away and I watched until the ambulance was no longer in sight. Luckily there were friends over to watch over me. She tried to commit suicide but Luckily was unsuccessful. A few days later I was placed in foster care for 6 months until my parents re gained custody over me. Throughout her life I've seen her go through med changes. I've experienced her being hospitalized in the middle of the night because she heard voices.I've witnessed her in psychosis when the medicine perscribed was not working effectively. When I was 12 years old my sister had to sign papers to commit her. When I was 15 my sisters and I had to commit her again. The last time she was committed I had to sign the paperwork I was 19 years old. She was threatening to call the cops on me while she was in the hospital. She threw coins down the hallway and kept coming out of the room they had put her in insulting the staff of the emergency waiting room. She was hospitalized for about 3 weeks and she has been stabilized since 2013. I can't possibly imagine the trama that was going through her mind at the time but I can tell you one thing. She felt as if the world was out to get her every time someone admitted her. Bipolar Disorder is not a state of mind where one second you're in a bad mood and the next second your joyful. Bipolar Disorder is not pretending to be in a bad or upset mood just to gain attention. Bipolar Disorder is a serious illness that I grew up learning about my entire life. My mother is one of the most kind hearted people you will ever meet. I admire her strength greatly. She has friends who share similar illnesses and have struggled with the same trama of having a mental illness. They only see each other every once in a great while and they are the happiest group of friends I have ever seen together. They all uplift and encourage each other. None of them let their illness stop them from living their life. The simple state of being alive and well is what brings them gratitude and joy. There are times when they feel unwell but it never keeps them bitter. At least not for too long! Throwing around severe mental illness terms to define a bad day or a bad attitude is not okay. I'm tired of people throwing terms around loosely just to draw attention to themselves. It is one thing to know the definition from a term in a book and another to experience suffering or watching a loved one suffer.
Sunday, 10 April 2016
THE AWAKENING BUTT DIAL FROM HEAVEN!
In one car ride I heard the following quotes:
"I'm not as assertive as I need to be"
"ROME WASNT BUILT IN A DAY DEAR!"
"I'm not as assertive as I need to be I DONT KNOW HOW THAT MAN IS GOING TO SELL HIS TRUCK WHEN THERE ARE PIECES OF WOOD HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW!!!"
"OH IT'S OKAY IF WE LOSE TRACK OF EACH OTHER WE CAN ALWAYS BUTT DIAL EACH OTHER EVER DAY IN HEAVEN!"
I remember getting a ride with this awesome lady!... At first I was afraid of her because she yelled at me over the phone and I accidently butt dialed her the night before...I had formally met her on my way to a destination I hadn't yet reached. I was afraid that she was going to be yelling at me about how I called her by accident the night before but instead she turned out to be hilarious!!!! She was like 60 something, She had this "gum chewing" attitude with her long beige jacket, coffee in one hand and cigarettes in the other hand!, She kept offering me these mini cigarettes and didn't mind letting me smoke in her car. When I arrived at her office she insisted that I sit down in a chair so she could brush my hair! She stood in line at the gas station striking up a conversation with the cashier for a good 5-10 minutes...probably pissing a few people in the line off who were in a hurry but nevertheless the conversation carried on until she said all she needed to say! She said honey....Rome wasn't built in a day! You need to start taking life one day at a time and stop being so hard on yourself! You're going to get to where you want to be but the goal is to keep trying! It's all about the little things in life! She looked out the window and said "ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY!!! SEE... LOOK AT THAT DUMB GUY OVER THERE (As we passed a random house) THAT RED TRUCK IS AN UGLY RED TRUCK WITH A FOR SALE SIGN! I DONT KNOW HOW THAT DUMB GUY IS GOING TO SELL THAT DUMB THING WITH WOOD STICKING OUT OF THE WINDOW!!! I HOPE HE REMOVES IT SOON ITS A BIT OF AN EYE SORE! Wouldn't you agree?"
Then I nodded my head and I couldn't help but laugh as she rolled down the window and offered me a cigarette. "Attitude is everything" at the end of the car ride she insisted on getting out and giving me a hug.... she said "It's only going to keep getting better!" by the end of the car ride I felt like a totally different person. You just never know who you're going to meet! It just goes to show life is random! Time always moves weather you choose to or not. Attitude is everything!
"I'm not as assertive as I need to be"
"ROME WASNT BUILT IN A DAY DEAR!"
"I'm not as assertive as I need to be I DONT KNOW HOW THAT MAN IS GOING TO SELL HIS TRUCK WHEN THERE ARE PIECES OF WOOD HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW!!!"
"OH IT'S OKAY IF WE LOSE TRACK OF EACH OTHER WE CAN ALWAYS BUTT DIAL EACH OTHER EVER DAY IN HEAVEN!"
I remember getting a ride with this awesome lady!... At first I was afraid of her because she yelled at me over the phone and I accidently butt dialed her the night before...I had formally met her on my way to a destination I hadn't yet reached. I was afraid that she was going to be yelling at me about how I called her by accident the night before but instead she turned out to be hilarious!!!! She was like 60 something, She had this "gum chewing" attitude with her long beige jacket, coffee in one hand and cigarettes in the other hand!, She kept offering me these mini cigarettes and didn't mind letting me smoke in her car. When I arrived at her office she insisted that I sit down in a chair so she could brush my hair! She stood in line at the gas station striking up a conversation with the cashier for a good 5-10 minutes...probably pissing a few people in the line off who were in a hurry but nevertheless the conversation carried on until she said all she needed to say! She said honey....Rome wasn't built in a day! You need to start taking life one day at a time and stop being so hard on yourself! You're going to get to where you want to be but the goal is to keep trying! It's all about the little things in life! She looked out the window and said "ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY!!! SEE... LOOK AT THAT DUMB GUY OVER THERE (As we passed a random house) THAT RED TRUCK IS AN UGLY RED TRUCK WITH A FOR SALE SIGN! I DONT KNOW HOW THAT DUMB GUY IS GOING TO SELL THAT DUMB THING WITH WOOD STICKING OUT OF THE WINDOW!!! I HOPE HE REMOVES IT SOON ITS A BIT OF AN EYE SORE! Wouldn't you agree?"
Then I nodded my head and I couldn't help but laugh as she rolled down the window and offered me a cigarette. "Attitude is everything" at the end of the car ride she insisted on getting out and giving me a hug.... she said "It's only going to keep getting better!" by the end of the car ride I felt like a totally different person. You just never know who you're going to meet! It just goes to show life is random! Time always moves weather you choose to or not. Attitude is everything!
Thursday, 7 April 2016
My Blue Rose
How did we get here? I used to know you so well... These words couldn't be more suitable on days when you swim through my mind. I've kept this built up inside of me for too long. So now I'm going to tell the world how I feel. If anyone reads this they'll know how I really feel about you. The thoughts that skip though my mind on a warm summer day as I sit by a river and reflect. My blue rose the best lesson I ever learned from your absence even though it was only a short time that you were in my presence. So now if you ever feel the need to look back and wonder for any strange sort of reasoning. You'll know exactly how I feel about you.
It's funny how you can know someone for a short amount of time. Yet they still come across your mind everyday. I've been pissed off at serenity quite a few times in my mind for the simple fact that you never tried. Knowing you, you'd probably laugh at even the idea of this form of expression because that's just the kind of asshole you are. Yet I could be wrong and that could be a pre-concieved notion so I wonr reassure myself of any certainty my blue rose.
To picture you in a prison cell was the last thing we wanted to see. Yet you always seemed so restricted in yourself like you couldn't be who you were because it was more important to make a satisfying impression on others so they would like you. Then again maybe that's just another pre concieved notion. My blue rose. I hear about you through our old mutual friends but I don't hear the story you would tell. What really happened in his eyes... I'll never know. Yet some part of me will aways wonder. I guess you can never be to sure of anything.
There were nights when I cried and nobody saw or heard but I kept moving on in silence because it made me more of who I am. Maybe you just wanted to understand your silence. The way I learned.
I needed that silence and I regret nothing because it made me more of who I am. I thought about calling you but I figured you didn't care because you never tried. A perfect excuse right?
I remember the first time I met you. You wouldn't tell me your name and you were laughing about some reference to a movie. While He drove so annoyingly in the front seat blasting bullet for my valentine. It was midnight and you guys abducted me to go get Mcdonnalds. I looked like a bum in a large grey tshirt and pajamas. Sitting in the front seat hoping I wouldn't die. While you guys were screaming the lyrics all the way there but that's just the way you guys were and I loved it! We also talked about the ciggaretts you were smoking. I hated smoke but I wanted to get to know you, so
we talked about it. You also told funny stories about how you were a janitor. It was great.
The second time I met you everyone called you Batman. So I just went with it and called you that too. We were all at your best friend's house watching Jimmy Nutron and I had an annoying headache that hurt like a motherfucker. Me and the other three left because it was getting late. Then we sat on
Em's porch and laughed for a while.
The third time I met you....you and palma were screaming your heads off in em's neighborhood when we all met up so I told yall to shut the fuck up because there were neighbors. I don't even know what yall were yelling about!
The fourth time... I asked you what the fuck your actual name was..... and then I knew... we hung out at hamlin and all of us kept making a big deal because there were double rainbows in the sky and we went to taco bell twice adding the word piss to ALL OF THE SONG LYRICS. There is so much I remember about the others too they were equally as important but right now I'm talking about you because this is what this post is about.
The first time we got each others numbers our conversation made no sense.... but some how we understood each other in a weird way. You liked me and I liked you and we sat under the stars talking about whatever we wanted to for however long we wanted to because that's what we felt like doing.
It was simple and comfortable. Maybe a little too simple and comfortable for your liking. Forgive me for being a bit cliche while I forgive you for breaking my heart in a way that made me who I am. I remember the silence and the absence in a way that it still makes me feel something I've never felt.
What I couldn't understand is why you never tried. To listen to your own voice. To sit in silence. To think. To hear yourself.
I remember when I fell so hard. Waking up in my bed. While you just moved on...or maybe took a step backwards a preconcieved notion could never tell me the truth only you could. But the words couldn't form into questions soon enough for me to ask why? If I sat and dwelled on the uncertainty of the questions I had for you I'd only be fooling myself. Because I've been doing good in my life without you. My tears will always wonder why you never tried but maybe you just wanted someone to understand. Maybe you think nobody ever will. Sadness only lingers if you dwell. I forgive you.
I wish you no harm. Worse things have happened to better people.
I want to thank you for being real with me. The most real I've ever felt with anyone. I'll never be the same. In a good way.
It's funny how you can know someone for a short amount of time. Yet they still come across your mind everyday. I've been pissed off at serenity quite a few times in my mind for the simple fact that you never tried. Knowing you, you'd probably laugh at even the idea of this form of expression because that's just the kind of asshole you are. Yet I could be wrong and that could be a pre-concieved notion so I wonr reassure myself of any certainty my blue rose.
To picture you in a prison cell was the last thing we wanted to see. Yet you always seemed so restricted in yourself like you couldn't be who you were because it was more important to make a satisfying impression on others so they would like you. Then again maybe that's just another pre concieved notion. My blue rose. I hear about you through our old mutual friends but I don't hear the story you would tell. What really happened in his eyes... I'll never know. Yet some part of me will aways wonder. I guess you can never be to sure of anything.
There were nights when I cried and nobody saw or heard but I kept moving on in silence because it made me more of who I am. Maybe you just wanted to understand your silence. The way I learned.
I needed that silence and I regret nothing because it made me more of who I am. I thought about calling you but I figured you didn't care because you never tried. A perfect excuse right?
I remember the first time I met you. You wouldn't tell me your name and you were laughing about some reference to a movie. While He drove so annoyingly in the front seat blasting bullet for my valentine. It was midnight and you guys abducted me to go get Mcdonnalds. I looked like a bum in a large grey tshirt and pajamas. Sitting in the front seat hoping I wouldn't die. While you guys were screaming the lyrics all the way there but that's just the way you guys were and I loved it! We also talked about the ciggaretts you were smoking. I hated smoke but I wanted to get to know you, so
we talked about it. You also told funny stories about how you were a janitor. It was great.
The second time I met you everyone called you Batman. So I just went with it and called you that too. We were all at your best friend's house watching Jimmy Nutron and I had an annoying headache that hurt like a motherfucker. Me and the other three left because it was getting late. Then we sat on
Em's porch and laughed for a while.
The third time I met you....you and palma were screaming your heads off in em's neighborhood when we all met up so I told yall to shut the fuck up because there were neighbors. I don't even know what yall were yelling about!
The fourth time... I asked you what the fuck your actual name was..... and then I knew... we hung out at hamlin and all of us kept making a big deal because there were double rainbows in the sky and we went to taco bell twice adding the word piss to ALL OF THE SONG LYRICS. There is so much I remember about the others too they were equally as important but right now I'm talking about you because this is what this post is about.
The first time we got each others numbers our conversation made no sense.... but some how we understood each other in a weird way. You liked me and I liked you and we sat under the stars talking about whatever we wanted to for however long we wanted to because that's what we felt like doing.
It was simple and comfortable. Maybe a little too simple and comfortable for your liking. Forgive me for being a bit cliche while I forgive you for breaking my heart in a way that made me who I am. I remember the silence and the absence in a way that it still makes me feel something I've never felt.
What I couldn't understand is why you never tried. To listen to your own voice. To sit in silence. To think. To hear yourself.
I remember when I fell so hard. Waking up in my bed. While you just moved on...or maybe took a step backwards a preconcieved notion could never tell me the truth only you could. But the words couldn't form into questions soon enough for me to ask why? If I sat and dwelled on the uncertainty of the questions I had for you I'd only be fooling myself. Because I've been doing good in my life without you. My tears will always wonder why you never tried but maybe you just wanted someone to understand. Maybe you think nobody ever will. Sadness only lingers if you dwell. I forgive you.
I wish you no harm. Worse things have happened to better people.
I want to thank you for being real with me. The most real I've ever felt with anyone. I'll never be the same. In a good way.
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