RE: Former Friend

You know, we were good friends when I was at Job Corps with you. We told each other everything - about relationships, family issues, school. We supported each other through successes, break ups, freak outs. We even had similar personalities, almost to a T.
But things changed when I left. Yeah, we talked every day. We talked about life, and relationships, and plans for the future. We talked like there wasn't three hundred miles between us. But it was different. There were things we didn't tell each other. Little things at first. Like feelings about each other, our future plans that changed. Family problems.
Then big things weren't shared. Well, one big thing. Feelings you and another "friend" of mine had for each other. And I found out days later. On social media, no less. Like I didn't matter to you anymore, your relationship with him was shared with everyone else before I knew about it. You neglected to tell me anything at all. I felt like I wasn't important anymore, like your relationship was more important than the one person who had your back for everything, who helped you when you needed help (even when you didn't need it), the person who wasn't faking or pretending, who wouldn't flake, the one who was your "Twin". The one person who hadn't hurt you, and would have never thought about it.
And you ignored me, then lied to me, because of a boy. Your reason behind not telling me was that you didn't know how I would feel or how I would react if you told me. When you knew that I would have supported it 110% if I had known how you guys felt about each other from the get-go. The one person who would have your best interests at heart, who would have talked you through all your fights, and who would cheer you on when you guys had good times, you so wisely decided to keep in the dark. Because of a boy.
In all honesty, maybe the end of our friendship was a good thing. If I've said it once while at Job Corps, I said it a million times - everything at that place was, is, and forever will be, temporary. You've heard me say it a time or three yourself. Everyone I befriended weren't really and truly my friends. Everyone there I befriended were just in my life to fill a void that was made when I left everyone I knew at home, and those friends were made out of necessity.
Your friendship was nothing more than me missing my best friends. My four really close friends who know me better than anyone in the world, the four people who could write a complete biography of the past nine years of my life in about six months, if they were to meet up and decide to write it.
You really never knew me. You only knew what I wanted you to know. Which isn't much, to be completely honest. You think you knew everything there is to know about me. In reality? You knew nothing. Nothing at all.
Maybe the way our friendship ended wasn't the best way to have gone about it. Maybe we could have been more mature. Maybe we should have acknowledge that our differences were too great, or the miles were too many. Or that we really weren't friends at all; it was more just a matter of convenience. Maybe we should have just taken some space.
But maybe that wouldn't have been a great way, either. But, in the end, it really doesn't matter. Because we really wouldn't have lasted, anyways. We would have stopped talking by now. And we would have forgotten each other. Life would go on, like it always does, and then our friendship wouldn't matter.
Because that's how life is, frankly. We just wouldn't have made it too much longer.
This is my final goodbye to you. I needed to finally let go, and this is how I needed to do it. Thanks for making me realize that I am my own person, for showing me that I have everyone I need. Thanks for showing me that I have the right friends, and they're everything I could ever ask for. They are my family.
I hope life brings you everything you ask for. I hope your relationship lasts forever, like you want it too. I hope you learn everything you need to.
Have a good one.
Goodbye.

RE: new contributor

Dear readers;
We have a new contributor, and I hope that we can give her a warm welcome. Our new contributor has been a good friend of mine for six years. We met in astrology class in our senior year of high school, and we've been inseparable ever since. Years of chaos and drama, break ups, bad breaks, birthdays... it's been such a great six years with this girl, and I hope there are more years to come.

Now, our posts from here on out will be anon, but we hope that this blog and these posts will give you some insight in our lives and who affects us - positively, negatively, neutrally, or any combination thereof. We appreciate our fan base...

Have a great night blog-isphere.

RE: Guy Barista @ local coffee shop

Dear barista;
You know, you reminded me of Pirates of the Caribbean Orlando Bloom (okay, let's be honest... Will Turner... and I had a massive crush on him the first time I saw PotC). And you are always happy, positive, goofy... friendly. But never with me... always with everyone else who came in, but our conversation never made it past my coffee order. And I kind of felt like maybe you were just irritated with me. Or just wanted to get me out of your hair (well, your man bun, let's be real.). You ignored me after I walked away from the counter and I just never knew why. 

Now I understand... watching the girls you talked to, I finally get it. I'm not thin enough, I'm not hippie enough, I'm not cool enough for you, I'm too suburban white b* that comes from money for you. I get it. I do. I'm not going to try anymore...

Why? Because I am so tired of trying, of having so much anxiety that I can't hold a normal conversation with you, of pretending that I am that girl. Of the only time you hear me having a normal conversation is when I am waiting for my coffee and talking to one of my girlfriends that I dragged along with me to the coffee shop. I'm so tired of hoping that one day, you'll wake up and realize that looks aren't everything, that you'll finally figure out that I AM a normal human being, that I am "cool" in my own right. That, as a writer, I am more cut out for bookstores and coffee shops than anything else, and by being at your coffee shop means nothing more than it's convenient and it's the closest normal, straight up coffee shop to where I live.

I'm not that girl; I'm not going to try. So, I've given up. I've given up trying to make you see that I am worth your time. That I am someone who could keep up with you. That, despite my anxiety, I can have a normal conversation with someone, that my anxiety doesn't make me weird or different. I'm just me. That it's what's inside that matters, and not how someone looks.

Thanks for missing out on a great opportunity, because now I have the time and the chance to look for something great, for something better than someone who's too blind to see something amazing and great and wonderful right beneath his nose.
~~Quiet, Anxious White Girl

RE: Brother

Dear Brother;
I miss you every day. You've been gone for 15 months, but the pain from your passing hasn't really lessened. Every day I think of you, every moment that I stop and try to see life from your perspective, I can't help but wish you were here.
You were always there, backing me up, no matter what. You helped me when I needed it, you understood when I needed space, you were there to listen if I needed someone to talk to and you were the only person I felt like I could talk to.
Every time you cross my mind, my heart hurts. I can't understand why the Universe took you away so soon. It wasn't meant to end the way it did. Maybe you were on the Universe's dance card, maybe you were needed elsewhere. But all of that only leaves little comfort. Your family you left behind still mourns and misses you, aches with the absence of your laugh and love, and wishes for something, anything, to change it all.
You made an impact on so many lives. You were a part of mine for only 8 years, but 8 years was long enough for me to receive the gifts you were meant to leave me with. I will forever cherish the gifts and the moments of happiness and comfort that you brought. And with those, your legacy will live on, through me, through us... your family. Those who are left behind and will never let your memory be forgotten.
May peace find you, brother, wherever you are.
~Charlotte

RE: Haters (Pt 2)

Dear Haters;
I know my life may not be perfect. I know I judge people. I know I have issues with how I treat others sometimes. I know that I may have a strong dislike for certain people who have used, mistreated, misguided, or just plain disliked me. But don't you dare ever hate me without knowing who I am or walked a mile in my shoes or get to know my history. 

Have a care for how you judge others; perhaps you should clean your own house first. 

Instead of being bigoted and ignorant, learn about who that person is. Learn about his/her past, culture, religion, interests, etc. Be intrigued by their differences instead of blaming them because they're different. Learn to fix the problem instead of being the problem. You have an issue with someone? Talk it out. Grow up.

So, next time you want to judge me? Next time you want to tell me what I am thinking or doing is wrong? Understand why I am doing what I am doing instead of being pissed off because my way of thinking is different.

Sincerely,
That b* you love to hate